Dirty Questions Washed and Folded.

Well, it is a Tuesday night, and that means one thing! I am just not sure what that one thing is. I did however start some laundry tonight. While for most, the idea of doing a few loads of laundry would constitute as a relaxing evening, filled with the simple joys of reading a book, watching TV or checking mySpace while waiting to fold some nice fresh warm clothes, for me it is not quite as simple. I have watched a few TV shows, I have checked mySpace and I have looked at the book growing dust beside my bed but I have not had a relaxing time mainly because I have been trying to think about what to write. Doing laundry is not rocket science but it is no walk in the park. So, inbetween loads I have decided to come up with a few questions I have had about doing laundry, then I figured I would go ahead and answer them for you too. This will save you from having to go to Google.com or your mom to find out the answers.

1. What is laundry? I remember the great feeling of getting home from school with my Fraggle Rock tin-can lunch pale and running up the stairs straight to my room to play with my G.I.Joe's. Sitting on my bead each Monday and Thursday afternoon were stacks of folded clothes. My clothes. "Wow," I would think, "a fort!" And this fort would act as a concentration camp for my prisoners, the Transformers. Next I remember my first year of college, when after six months of wearing the same clothes over and over and never getting a date, I did, with the help of the whole wing of my dorm, my first load of wash. Eight quarters later, I had no idea what to do with the warm clothes that came out of the contraption, so I ran with them to my room and threw them in a pile on my bed. "Wow," I remember thinking, "a pillow." I know of course that laundry is neither a fort or a pillow, but that it is a pile of clothes that gather on your floor over the course of anywhere from one to seven weeks, that you split into two groups(lights and darks), wash, then dry and finally fold. This whole process is caled laundry.

What is a perfect load of wash? The answer to this is still a work in process for me. I do know some of the basics however. For starters don't put brand new red sweaters in with all your tidy whiteys or else you'll end up with a never ending supply of Superman briefs. Another basic is to take important documents out of your pockets before you wash your pants, it is hard to get in the Zoo when your summer pass looks like a dried up spitwad. Anyways, I do feel I am getting close doing a perfect load of wash. My last one was my closest to date. I'll describe it. It was a "light colors" load, I had only one dark thing in there and it was a black sock that must have been hiding when I divided the dirty clothes up. I had only about 11 shirts, 16 pair of slightly red whitey tighteys,(how I had more roos then shirts I have no idea) and a pair of jeans. It easily fit into washer and I washed it in a Warm/cold cycle, for no other reason then that is what it was set on. I transferred the load to the drier used a FreBreeze Bounce Ultra Clean Fabric Softener and then preceded to check mySpace while they dried. Well, everything was going so well, and when the buzzer went off the 7th time I went to check my clothes. I pulled them out one by one laying them out carefully to reduce wrinkles. When I come to my jeans they are in shambles. One leg is twisted as if the dryer tried to wring the water out of it like you would with a towel over the sink, the other leg was wrinkleless. Figuring that it could be worse, I counted this as my best load of wash I have ever done(then I scolded myself for keeping such useless statistics about myself).

3. What is the correct way to fold clothes? If you want detailed expert tips on this I am sure you could watch Project Runway and learn some good ideas, but if you want a rouph explanation, read on. Socks: Match all the socks that are the same and tie them in a knot. For the seven that seem like that have no match go by length and tie the ones together that are within 2 inches of the same length, then only wear those pair with jeans. Never fails. Underwear: tri-fold, then fold in half. Then set the few pair that are not a scary shade of red on top and set them in a drawer. You never know who will be snooping.Shirts: This is simple. Go to Wal-mart, and I think it is isle 12A and purchase about 45 hangers. Hang each of these shirts up right when you get them out of the dryer and "whalaa," you have only slightly wrinkled shirts to wear all week. Shorts: Fold in half and put in drawer, preferably not in your desk drawer. Jeans: I have no idea. I have tried everything I know and they are always wrinkled. Pretty much I think the only solution is to just keep buying new jeans or ask a pro. OK, these are only suggestions I repeat. The best way always is to have your mom do all the laundry, because then that means they will be folded properly as well.

4. How do you get tomato juice out of a nice $90 shirt? I don't know. I would suggest just getting nine $10 shirts at Wal-mart so that if it happens again you can just throw one away instead of being upset.

5. What is that buzzing sound that keeps going off?? Oh! That is my last load of clothes. I got some tri-folding of red roos to do and a pillow to get to my bed.

Until next time.