What comes to mind when you think of something that is 12 FEET in circumference, 42" in diameter, weights in at just under 30 pounds and produces enough grease to run a car for a decade? If you just answered my waist line, you are not funny. In fact you are not even close, I checked. Turns out you can fit five of my waists comfortably inside this area. Ok, give up?
It happens to be a pizza from Big Lou's Pizza, and it is no joke. This pizza was incredible. My first thought was it had to be invented by Willy Wonka in his wonderful castle, but when Big Lou himself came and told us he himself made it, I took his word for it and preceded to way over fill two large paper plates with just one slice. The discussion that our table mainly centered on was trying to guess how many calories had to be festering right under that golden cheese. The consensus was that it was just a couple of hundred under 5 million calories. I ate, I sweat, I shifted in my seat pretending to clear room, I ate more, filled my plates up a second time, I ate even more, I sweat more, I shifted more, I slowed down and after using 35 napkins, a tub of ranch and a bottle of crushed red peppers, I stopped. I realized that somewhere between the 23rd bite and my final bite(67) I should have stopped.
That is an incredibly long story to lead into what I dreamed about last night. I dreamed about a huge fun party that had lots of guests. That was an incredibly short transition thought. Anyways, driving home from eating 7 pounds of pizza I tried thinking about this party again, but all I could think of was pizza. And then it clicked. Pizza and Parties are almost identical. They are both great fun at any age. They both are extremely versatile. And they both both start with p. But I would like to take it about six more steps further. How do you start a party?
CRUST/DOUGH - Every party has a host. Every pizza has a crust. It is what holds both the party and the pizza together. Usually it would be the person with the nicest house or the most "dough" that hosts parties. There can be many types of crust to a pizza. Same with a party. Lets say you want a fun out doors party with not too many boundaries, the pizza equivalent would be a crispy crust with the pizza toppings and all running right to the edge. A stuffed crust pizza likes to contain the toppings a bit more so it has the wall around the pizza, same with a house party. You have to have the Host/Crust. But what does the host need the most?
SAUCE - The host can not do all the work by themselves. They need help. And when they do they call on their closest friends to come help. This would be like the sauce, a perfect complement to any crust. These friends get there a few hours early to get every thing set up. This is why sauce for a pizza is always made in advance and is always the first one ready to meet up with the crust. Just these friends and the host could have their own party, and they doo all the time. Just like bread sticks and sauce is always good to have too. But were having a party! What do we need?
CHEESE - Cheese is the element that really turns this gathering of a few close friends into a party. The cheese would be the party starter/maintainer. This is the drinks, the games or the activities of the party. Cheese on a pizza helps melt all the elements of a pizza together. In a party, the drinks help melt away inhibitions and shyness, the games help melt away any reservations. Games mixed with drinks are great way to get any party started in a fun way and keep everything feeling good through out. I think this is why just good friends get together a lot and play games. That is why I think the classic cheese pizza is so popular. But what does any party need to really become a full fledged party?
TOPPINGS - Just like a pizza, a party should only get as big as the host can handle. That is why this is such a wide open field. There are so many kinds of toppings to put on a pizza, just like there are so many kinds of people you can invite to a party. Like an all veggie pizza seems to me would be like an all jammies dress girl gab fest ending with bed jumping and pillow fights. Like wise a meatsa measta pizza, would as you guested would be a play station playing, arm wrestling, smelly guys night. A true party for all would be the supreme pizza. That way you have every kind of person accounted for which makes for such fun. There is always the loud and crazy person that I would assume would be that spicy Italian sausage. Every party has the quiet person that never seems to mingle much, and that would be like the mushrooms that seem to blend in with the meats and have not much taste. But mainly everyone just hangs out together and has a good time. I never see my pizza toppings complain. But wait... Parties are never that smooth you always have people going off into their own comfort groups right?
SLICES - Like a pizza has slices so a party has clicks. It is just nature. Some clicks have all the "toppings" represented in their "slice," but a lot of times certain slices are picked clean of unwanted "kinds of people." When people eat a supreme pizza there is almost always something you want to pick off. Same at a party. There always seems to be some kind of issue going on at each gathering and in each "slice" of people that has someone feeling left out. And just like on a pizza it usually falls to that lonely place on the pan or cardboard. But a lot of times other people see that lonely "person" and decide they want that extra bit on their slice and they invite that "topping" over. So there are always a couple instances at every party that seem to make the night go one way or the other. What could do this to a pizza/party?
EXTRAS - Pizza was invented to be eaten just as it is. A round delicious treat. Same with a party. A good wholesome time. But both the pizza and the party have a long history of "extras" coming into play. The pizza for instance, now has parmesan cheese, crushed red pepper, garlic butter and many other sauces that one can add to it. A party has drinking games. I am sure there are more examples but I have drwn a blank. I am not saying that these extra sauces are bad for the "pizza" but they seem to give the party a different feel then they had at the beginning. I guess lumped in with extras could be the whole cold pizza similarity as well. Once a party has gone deep into the night it seems to come to a standstill, only parts of slices of pizza are left the original barricade of crust that had kept everyone together has given up and gone to bed. It is down to just one or two "clicks" of pizza left mulling about. What could possible happen to this party now?
TO-GO BOX - Party is over. Go home. Pizza is closed up in its container and will not feel right the next day. It won't look right the next day. Not until the dough gets back together with the sauce and cooks up another great party!
Until next time.
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
Monday, June 11, 2007
Blogging Beats Boardom's Butt (10x's)
I think I am the only person to notice that April and May came and went and I never posted a blog. While it did not quite create the epic uproar that I was ever-so-slightly expecting, it did give me a long period of time to go through situations, do stupid things, and think about life altering ideas in which I could blog about for at least a week. (A quick side note: I just realized that while I have considered myself as coordinated enough to chew gum, send a text message, and blot up spilled Big Red off my crotch, all while driving 80mph down the highway using my knee to steer; I am unable to write a blog and have the radio on. Every thought I have seems to be replaced by the endless number of Rascal Flats songs on the mySpace page that is open in another window!)
I have not really come up with ten ideas yet, but I just this second have decided to list in no particular order ten things that I have been up to that I think you might find some what interesting. Who am I kidding?! Haha My mom will probably even skip this blog. I'll start at ten so it will be easy to count down to the end. That way even if you are board, you will always gain hope with each diminished number. Ok ok I'll start.
10. I HAD A BIRTHDAY - Way back at the beginning of April in fact. I turned 29. I also turned pale and sick, because I had always assumed that once I got to 29 I would in fact just automatically turn into an adult. Not true as it turns out. The opposite is true. When you wait this late in life to grow up, it is way harder. An entire 15 point blog could be inserted right here and I am tempted to cut in and attempt it, but that would involve dedication, organization, willpower, logic, wisdom and perseverance; and we all know non of that happens until we turn 30.
9. I HAD A BREAK - People go through life trying to make luck happen for themselves, by using their savings to buy lotto tickets, play slot machines and getting hair plugs. I have been known to hit the Craps table in search of turning my last $50 bucks into a million. But I learned while in Houston attending a Spurs vs Rockets game that good fortune can find you when you least expect it. I had had a few adult beverages before the taxi dropped us off in front of the arena, yet the person meeting us with out tickets was not there yet, and would not for twenty minutes. While I emphasize I am not a physics major or a architect, I would like to point out that I know the human bladder is not 60 onces, and basketball arenas do not place restrooms outdoors. This left me pale and scared. I proceeded to desert my friends and search for a place, any place that was dark enough to not be seen... oh crap by these two people coming up to me, what do they want...? And that is when my break came. It was, and for privacy sake I will use the names Mary and Joseph, and they had two extra tickets to the game, and they offered them to me. I not caring if they were nose bleed tickets or what, took them in haste because I knew that these tickets were my ticket to the restrooms that were on the inside of the arena. Just as the most relieved face I have ever caused my forehead and cheeks to muster, it was followed quickly by a happy face. The tickets I was given not only would grant me to the most needed porcelain of my life, it would grant me permission to sit the one row away from the Spurs bench. If I would have noticed the price on the ticket before hand I most likely would have whetted myself and sold the tickets and went an bought 600 Lotto tickets.
8. I HAD A BUMP - I thought about using the phrase, I had a bumper and hood press the bumper in front of me. But that would have sucked, and the only thing that can suck in this paragraph are my after lunch day dreams. I learned a valuable lesson. When trying to picture that hammock set between two palm trees, on some remote island with blue blue seas and white white sand, and the bucket of Corona within hands reach, do not close your eyes. Especially while driving. Especially while driving on a busy street in traffic. Save these thought for once you got back to work and the customer in front of you is reaming you out for sending her package to the wrong state.
7. I HAD A BOOK IDEA - This could have very easily have been a blog idea, but the scope of it was so big and basically vague that it would have been way longer then even this blog looks as if it will be. If I can just skim the preface for the book in one sentence with multiple comas you would be lucky. But most likely it will take many sentences, all of which filled with unnecessary comas. Never mind I don't want to tell you the idea, for it could be stolen. Ok, It is about travel yet I would never leave the computer. But that is all I will say.
6. I HAD A BLOB APPEAR - If no one has learned this lesson on their own in there own time, I will let you in on a secret. If you never go to the gym, eat to the point of sweating, and sit down 90% of the time you are awake each day, you too will notice a blob. I at first tried containing it to just around my rib cage, but the longer this blob sits there the the more it tends to grow. I like to consider this last few months as my working on my "before picture" and I will stop eating and start going to the gym tomorrow. Yes I did say that in a blog in February as well, I was just seeing if you were paying attention. And yes, I introduced that thought in a blog back in November. Tomorrow is just month away.
5. I HAD A BRUISE - Everyone knows there are certain things that you just do not do. Don't poke sticks at sleeping bears, don't forget deodorant on a first date and don't buy the cables those guys at Best Buy try to sell you when you purchase a TV. While these are obvious, I must have missed the life memo that would have let me know that it is a bad idea to try to learn how to ride a skateboard in ones late twenties. I did just this. I did just this poorly. Inside on concrete, with no protective devices, and while not covered under health insurance, I attempted to do what I assumed was a novice move and spin in a 360 degree motion. 80 degrees into the spin I managed to put a nice mark on the wall, and I found the one spot on my torso that the Blob had not padded yet! Now even the pressure of underwear with no elastic left in the band, feels like a tiny hammer hitting my lower back/upper hip area. Don't think about that too long, just read on.
4. I HAD A BLAST - I believe there are certain rights of passage one must go through in life. Your first steps, word, haircut, your first pet, car, job. But there is one more I never encountered as a child but got the opportunity to a month ago. Ha ha no it is not my first kiss. It is my first lock-in. I was invited to be a chaperon at a lock-in at The Incredible Pizza Factory. While the pizza was less the incredible, the fact that middle school kids want nothing to do with chaperons was great. This aloud me become the biggest kid there(in more then one way). As soon as the night was over I got on the internet and scoured Monster.com for a job that needed someone to drive go carts, shoot mini basketballs, and play video games all night long, because I realized that I am really good at it.
3. I HAD A BRAIN FART - Mainly I just wanted to incorporate this word into a blog. I laugh when I say this word out loud. You say it out loud now and see if you do not do the same. BRAIN FART. hahahah I actually had so many brain farts over the past few months that I can not cover them all, so I will cover the one I felt stunk the most. HAHA When circumstances leave you having just a few clothes, it would make since that you take care of those clothes to the best of your ability. Well, I did. Until two nights ago. Let me first explain that I have a rotation I use when wearing shirts. I tend to wear jeans a few times over but always have a clean shirt. This rotation consists of 9 shirts. Four white shirts, four fading darker shirts and a new bright blue shirt. Well, I don't know how you do laundry but I have learned the basics and know that you wash whites/light colored stuff together and and wash dark colored things together. My brain fart came late at night when I noticed the floor of my room was covered in nine shirts and three pair of jeans. I had to work in the morning! I then made the choice that has put four of my shirts on the disabled list. I threw them all in the wash together on warm water setting. The only shirt to be truly unscathed was the bright blue shirt, thought from the amount of blue on the other shirts, I am amazed that there is any blue left on it. BRAIN FART. hahaha
2. I HAD A BURN - OK, point three dealt with the color blue. This one deals with the color "oh my god! Does that hurt as bad as it looks Red" I was in Wal-mart with two friends gathering the essentials for a day of tubing on the river. Essentials of course are beer, coolers, ice, Spurs koozies, and a Spurs window flag, and McDonald's togo. I believe at one point of the shopping spree the following conversation took place.
Friend 1: "We need to get some sun screen."
Friend 2: "I agree."
Me: "Why?"
Friend 1 & 2 together: "Because we will burn if we don't"
Me: "Well, I don't want any, I like to start the summer off with a real good baking so that I have a good base for the rest of the summer!"
Friend 1: "That is dumb."
Friend 2: "I agree, here is some sunscreen here, it says SPF 55"
Me: "If we are going to get any, it can't be that high! I bet there is more sunscreen by the beer"
Friend 1: "That is dumb."
Friend 2: "I agree."
I could go on for another 45 minutes worth of dialog, but the finale of it is that we forgot to buy sunscreen at all and I refused to even borrow any. I floated on what could be described as a round open flamed oven for 4 and 1/2 hours, somehow avoiding the shade from trees like the bubonic plague. My chest, stomach, shoulders, thighs, knees, shins and feet now are the shade of red as I described earlier. Well that is what others call it. I call it the "next time I am going to wear a long sleeve shirt and jeans when tubing red".
1. I HAVE A BLANK - Yes, I have drawn a blank. So I will resort to childish humor. BRAIN FART! hahahah
Until next time.
I have not really come up with ten ideas yet, but I just this second have decided to list in no particular order ten things that I have been up to that I think you might find some what interesting. Who am I kidding?! Haha My mom will probably even skip this blog. I'll start at ten so it will be easy to count down to the end. That way even if you are board, you will always gain hope with each diminished number. Ok ok I'll start.
10. I HAD A BIRTHDAY - Way back at the beginning of April in fact. I turned 29. I also turned pale and sick, because I had always assumed that once I got to 29 I would in fact just automatically turn into an adult. Not true as it turns out. The opposite is true. When you wait this late in life to grow up, it is way harder. An entire 15 point blog could be inserted right here and I am tempted to cut in and attempt it, but that would involve dedication, organization, willpower, logic, wisdom and perseverance; and we all know non of that happens until we turn 30.
9. I HAD A BREAK - People go through life trying to make luck happen for themselves, by using their savings to buy lotto tickets, play slot machines and getting hair plugs. I have been known to hit the Craps table in search of turning my last $50 bucks into a million. But I learned while in Houston attending a Spurs vs Rockets game that good fortune can find you when you least expect it. I had had a few adult beverages before the taxi dropped us off in front of the arena, yet the person meeting us with out tickets was not there yet, and would not for twenty minutes. While I emphasize I am not a physics major or a architect, I would like to point out that I know the human bladder is not 60 onces, and basketball arenas do not place restrooms outdoors. This left me pale and scared. I proceeded to desert my friends and search for a place, any place that was dark enough to not be seen... oh crap by these two people coming up to me, what do they want...? And that is when my break came. It was, and for privacy sake I will use the names Mary and Joseph, and they had two extra tickets to the game, and they offered them to me. I not caring if they were nose bleed tickets or what, took them in haste because I knew that these tickets were my ticket to the restrooms that were on the inside of the arena. Just as the most relieved face I have ever caused my forehead and cheeks to muster, it was followed quickly by a happy face. The tickets I was given not only would grant me to the most needed porcelain of my life, it would grant me permission to sit the one row away from the Spurs bench. If I would have noticed the price on the ticket before hand I most likely would have whetted myself and sold the tickets and went an bought 600 Lotto tickets.
8. I HAD A BUMP - I thought about using the phrase, I had a bumper and hood press the bumper in front of me. But that would have sucked, and the only thing that can suck in this paragraph are my after lunch day dreams. I learned a valuable lesson. When trying to picture that hammock set between two palm trees, on some remote island with blue blue seas and white white sand, and the bucket of Corona within hands reach, do not close your eyes. Especially while driving. Especially while driving on a busy street in traffic. Save these thought for once you got back to work and the customer in front of you is reaming you out for sending her package to the wrong state.
7. I HAD A BOOK IDEA - This could have very easily have been a blog idea, but the scope of it was so big and basically vague that it would have been way longer then even this blog looks as if it will be. If I can just skim the preface for the book in one sentence with multiple comas you would be lucky. But most likely it will take many sentences, all of which filled with unnecessary comas. Never mind I don't want to tell you the idea, for it could be stolen. Ok, It is about travel yet I would never leave the computer. But that is all I will say.
6. I HAD A BLOB APPEAR - If no one has learned this lesson on their own in there own time, I will let you in on a secret. If you never go to the gym, eat to the point of sweating, and sit down 90% of the time you are awake each day, you too will notice a blob. I at first tried containing it to just around my rib cage, but the longer this blob sits there the the more it tends to grow. I like to consider this last few months as my working on my "before picture" and I will stop eating and start going to the gym tomorrow. Yes I did say that in a blog in February as well, I was just seeing if you were paying attention. And yes, I introduced that thought in a blog back in November. Tomorrow is just month away.
5. I HAD A BRUISE - Everyone knows there are certain things that you just do not do. Don't poke sticks at sleeping bears, don't forget deodorant on a first date and don't buy the cables those guys at Best Buy try to sell you when you purchase a TV. While these are obvious, I must have missed the life memo that would have let me know that it is a bad idea to try to learn how to ride a skateboard in ones late twenties. I did just this. I did just this poorly. Inside on concrete, with no protective devices, and while not covered under health insurance, I attempted to do what I assumed was a novice move and spin in a 360 degree motion. 80 degrees into the spin I managed to put a nice mark on the wall, and I found the one spot on my torso that the Blob had not padded yet! Now even the pressure of underwear with no elastic left in the band, feels like a tiny hammer hitting my lower back/upper hip area. Don't think about that too long, just read on.
4. I HAD A BLAST - I believe there are certain rights of passage one must go through in life. Your first steps, word, haircut, your first pet, car, job. But there is one more I never encountered as a child but got the opportunity to a month ago. Ha ha no it is not my first kiss. It is my first lock-in. I was invited to be a chaperon at a lock-in at The Incredible Pizza Factory. While the pizza was less the incredible, the fact that middle school kids want nothing to do with chaperons was great. This aloud me become the biggest kid there(in more then one way). As soon as the night was over I got on the internet and scoured Monster.com for a job that needed someone to drive go carts, shoot mini basketballs, and play video games all night long, because I realized that I am really good at it.
3. I HAD A BRAIN FART - Mainly I just wanted to incorporate this word into a blog. I laugh when I say this word out loud. You say it out loud now and see if you do not do the same. BRAIN FART. hahahah I actually had so many brain farts over the past few months that I can not cover them all, so I will cover the one I felt stunk the most. HAHA When circumstances leave you having just a few clothes, it would make since that you take care of those clothes to the best of your ability. Well, I did. Until two nights ago. Let me first explain that I have a rotation I use when wearing shirts. I tend to wear jeans a few times over but always have a clean shirt. This rotation consists of 9 shirts. Four white shirts, four fading darker shirts and a new bright blue shirt. Well, I don't know how you do laundry but I have learned the basics and know that you wash whites/light colored stuff together and and wash dark colored things together. My brain fart came late at night when I noticed the floor of my room was covered in nine shirts and three pair of jeans. I had to work in the morning! I then made the choice that has put four of my shirts on the disabled list. I threw them all in the wash together on warm water setting. The only shirt to be truly unscathed was the bright blue shirt, thought from the amount of blue on the other shirts, I am amazed that there is any blue left on it. BRAIN FART. hahaha
2. I HAD A BURN - OK, point three dealt with the color blue. This one deals with the color "oh my god! Does that hurt as bad as it looks Red" I was in Wal-mart with two friends gathering the essentials for a day of tubing on the river. Essentials of course are beer, coolers, ice, Spurs koozies, and a Spurs window flag, and McDonald's togo. I believe at one point of the shopping spree the following conversation took place.
Friend 1: "We need to get some sun screen."
Friend 2: "I agree."
Me: "Why?"
Friend 1 & 2 together: "Because we will burn if we don't"
Me: "Well, I don't want any, I like to start the summer off with a real good baking so that I have a good base for the rest of the summer!"
Friend 1: "That is dumb."
Friend 2: "I agree, here is some sunscreen here, it says SPF 55"
Me: "If we are going to get any, it can't be that high! I bet there is more sunscreen by the beer"
Friend 1: "That is dumb."
Friend 2: "I agree."
I could go on for another 45 minutes worth of dialog, but the finale of it is that we forgot to buy sunscreen at all and I refused to even borrow any. I floated on what could be described as a round open flamed oven for 4 and 1/2 hours, somehow avoiding the shade from trees like the bubonic plague. My chest, stomach, shoulders, thighs, knees, shins and feet now are the shade of red as I described earlier. Well that is what others call it. I call it the "next time I am going to wear a long sleeve shirt and jeans when tubing red".
1. I HAVE A BLANK - Yes, I have drawn a blank. So I will resort to childish humor. BRAIN FART! hahahah
Until next time.
Thursday, June 07, 2007
Srinking Shorts and Soaking Shirts
What is the one thing 80% of overweight people and 100% of people who are not really overweight but think they are want? My first instinct answer was Ritz crackers with canned cheese sprayed on it to overflowing. But after a survey of ten people, all of which I assumed were in the category of people who are not really overweight but think they are, unanimously answered with "to lose weight." I next decided to do a personal test. I tried on last summer's swimsuit, and gave up when it could not be pulled past my knees. Needless to say I put myself in the category of overweight people and answered my survey with "lose alot of weight fast!"
I had to first get to the bottom of what happened to me for my not getting that swimsuit past my knees. I know that I have really only been donating money to the gym I used to go to most days each month. I know I now spend the time I usually spend at the gym growing into a computer desk chair watching endless clips on YouTube in between bites of Taco Bell gorditas(t6 meal). I know that lately when the feeling creeps into my head that I should go out side and do something active on, lets say a Saturday because it is sunny and 75 degrees, I have been choosing to dim the lights in the house grab a gallon of Blue Bell ice cream, crumble half a bag of Oreo Cookies and pour Hersey's Syrup all over it and watch Discovery Channel in High Def(side note: That Planet Earth series nearly knocked Dumb and Dumber from the number one spot in my list of shows that I can watch over and over in one day and not get board.) I also know that the past 5 months or so at work in stead of standing all day like I have done for the 5 and 1/2 years before, I now found my self sitting on a stool when I am not helping customers. This I figured weighed heavy in my quest to find out the reason my lime green swim suit with a stitched logo of Elmo in a Snorkel on the left leg of the .... wait a minute... I didn't have a lime green swim suite last year!! It was red! I immediately run back up the stairs grabbed the suite in question...how could I have been so dumb? I must have grabbed my nephews suit. The relief I felt was short lived. I found my true swim trunks minutes later, and while they did pull up to my waist, I noticed that the only reason I got it to my waist was because I sucked in and had not been breathing for the past three minutes. Time to get a new suit.
What do %99.9(cause there is always the freaks)of people absolutely despise to the core of their very body and sole? Satan seems to be the obvious answer here. But the survey I didn't have the time or need to ask anyone else except my five personalities came to the conclusion that in fact only 72% of people hate satan, and coming in first was non other the typical job interview. I have only heard that these things were ulcer causing worry-fests but I had always considered that blown way out of proportion. I mean how hard can it be to just sit back at chit-chat about something . I mean I do it all the time talking about my San Antonio Spurs or Survivor highlights but I had never had one of these until this week. That is why I now am a firm believer in the truth that these things certainly require serious preparation if not total avoidance.
It is a great idea I know to go into the interview prepared to talk about yourself in a positive and downright bragful way. Another good idea is to do research on the job you are applying for and to have a plethora of questions ready to try to remember at the end of the torture...I mean interview. Dressing up for the interview seems to be the norm too so I made sure to find a nice tie and shirt and matching socks. But the most important thing and I can not emphasize this enough or with more passion, but choosing your undershirt is probably the most important of all tasks when getting ready to go to an interrogation... I mean interview. I feel close enouph to you readers that I can let you know that I tend to wear a nice sleeveless thin "wife-beater" type undershirt in my regular life, and I was prepared to carry on this tradition under my nice shirt and tie. But one hour before interview as I was dressing I began to notice a few things. One, the feeling that this was going to be a piece of cake had turned into a feeling I was going to be cut to pieces like a birthday cake at a party for Rosie O'Donnell. Crap. Second, that comfortable right out of the shower feeling I had, was now getting replaces by an uncomfortable, "why is my stomach making noises like that?" feeling. Double crap. And that smile of anticipation quickly was turning to a "how am I sweating already while standing under the ceiling fan on high?" face. The very hard to obtain in any situation, triple crap! I had to do something quick. I was racking my brain for an idea. That is when I thought about every first date I have had. Ok Ok and second through 5th. What was the one thing that saved me? Yes, that 400% cotton ultra thick Hard Rock Cafe shirt I got in London. That shirt was definitely used in the brainstorming sessions when some dorks got together to discuss the design and texture of the Shammy. So to cut to the long overdue point, I did make the decision to retrieve this shirt from the bottom drawer due to it has not been used in some time, and wear it for my first interview. And let me tell you that was right up there with not parting my hair down the middle any more, as one of the best decisions I have ever made. For, and I am sure I could fill a blog about it, my interview lasted one and a half hours under what must have been the most powerful 70 watt light bulb ever produced. If the interview would have been 10 minutes longer I would have had to resort to that uncomfortable posture in which I turn my body in such a way where the dry parts of my shirt would cover the ever growing soggy parts. That would have for sure been the world record. Quadruple crap! Time to wash my shirt.
Until next time.
p.s. The new color scheme is not meant to confuse. It is my clever and unclever at the same time, attempt of showing support for the Spurs as they go for their fourth title in nine years. GO SPURS GO!
I had to first get to the bottom of what happened to me for my not getting that swimsuit past my knees. I know that I have really only been donating money to the gym I used to go to most days each month. I know I now spend the time I usually spend at the gym growing into a computer desk chair watching endless clips on YouTube in between bites of Taco Bell gorditas(t6 meal). I know that lately when the feeling creeps into my head that I should go out side and do something active on, lets say a Saturday because it is sunny and 75 degrees, I have been choosing to dim the lights in the house grab a gallon of Blue Bell ice cream, crumble half a bag of Oreo Cookies and pour Hersey's Syrup all over it and watch Discovery Channel in High Def(side note: That Planet Earth series nearly knocked Dumb and Dumber from the number one spot in my list of shows that I can watch over and over in one day and not get board.) I also know that the past 5 months or so at work in stead of standing all day like I have done for the 5 and 1/2 years before, I now found my self sitting on a stool when I am not helping customers. This I figured weighed heavy in my quest to find out the reason my lime green swim suit with a stitched logo of Elmo in a Snorkel on the left leg of the .... wait a minute... I didn't have a lime green swim suite last year!! It was red! I immediately run back up the stairs grabbed the suite in question...how could I have been so dumb? I must have grabbed my nephews suit. The relief I felt was short lived. I found my true swim trunks minutes later, and while they did pull up to my waist, I noticed that the only reason I got it to my waist was because I sucked in and had not been breathing for the past three minutes. Time to get a new suit.
What do %99.9(cause there is always the freaks)of people absolutely despise to the core of their very body and sole? Satan seems to be the obvious answer here. But the survey I didn't have the time or need to ask anyone else except my five personalities came to the conclusion that in fact only 72% of people hate satan, and coming in first was non other the typical job interview. I have only heard that these things were ulcer causing worry-fests but I had always considered that blown way out of proportion. I mean how hard can it be to just sit back at chit-chat about something . I mean I do it all the time talking about my San Antonio Spurs or Survivor highlights but I had never had one of these until this week. That is why I now am a firm believer in the truth that these things certainly require serious preparation if not total avoidance.
It is a great idea I know to go into the interview prepared to talk about yourself in a positive and downright bragful way. Another good idea is to do research on the job you are applying for and to have a plethora of questions ready to try to remember at the end of the torture...I mean interview. Dressing up for the interview seems to be the norm too so I made sure to find a nice tie and shirt and matching socks. But the most important thing and I can not emphasize this enough or with more passion, but choosing your undershirt is probably the most important of all tasks when getting ready to go to an interrogation... I mean interview. I feel close enouph to you readers that I can let you know that I tend to wear a nice sleeveless thin "wife-beater" type undershirt in my regular life, and I was prepared to carry on this tradition under my nice shirt and tie. But one hour before interview as I was dressing I began to notice a few things. One, the feeling that this was going to be a piece of cake had turned into a feeling I was going to be cut to pieces like a birthday cake at a party for Rosie O'Donnell. Crap. Second, that comfortable right out of the shower feeling I had, was now getting replaces by an uncomfortable, "why is my stomach making noises like that?" feeling. Double crap. And that smile of anticipation quickly was turning to a "how am I sweating already while standing under the ceiling fan on high?" face. The very hard to obtain in any situation, triple crap! I had to do something quick. I was racking my brain for an idea. That is when I thought about every first date I have had. Ok Ok and second through 5th. What was the one thing that saved me? Yes, that 400% cotton ultra thick Hard Rock Cafe shirt I got in London. That shirt was definitely used in the brainstorming sessions when some dorks got together to discuss the design and texture of the Shammy. So to cut to the long overdue point, I did make the decision to retrieve this shirt from the bottom drawer due to it has not been used in some time, and wear it for my first interview. And let me tell you that was right up there with not parting my hair down the middle any more, as one of the best decisions I have ever made. For, and I am sure I could fill a blog about it, my interview lasted one and a half hours under what must have been the most powerful 70 watt light bulb ever produced. If the interview would have been 10 minutes longer I would have had to resort to that uncomfortable posture in which I turn my body in such a way where the dry parts of my shirt would cover the ever growing soggy parts. That would have for sure been the world record. Quadruple crap! Time to wash my shirt.
Until next time.
p.s. The new color scheme is not meant to confuse. It is my clever and unclever at the same time, attempt of showing support for the Spurs as they go for their fourth title in nine years. GO SPURS GO!
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