The Five Personalities of Kevin - Part 1

Since it is not fair to say that my blog page is an international success, I will pretend it is and I will share with you all a bit more about myself. When I have talked to myself, which I do often, I found I got bored just talking to myself. To remedy this I created 4 other personalities. Now I can carry on several conversations with myself and never get bored. I will start with my own personality and then delve into the four I have created for myself, to keep me company, over the next few blogs.

1. I am a regular guy. Soon to be extremely muscular and rich. I tend to exaggerate when ever I think people will believe me. I like banana pudding and lunchables. I work at a mail center where I help people all day with a smile and sore feet. I enjoy movies, and try to watch one each night. I write a blog to pass the time and work on my English. I can juggle but can't use a hula hoop. I like to read books, but don't like to read the end of them. I like to make up the ending and I find that if I finnish the book it is never as exciting as what I had already made up. I play many sports and am great at them all in my mind, my body is seldom as good as my mind thinks it is. I prefer Adidas over Nike, mainly because of price. I collect shot glasses, and have over 200 of them. There is a story behind each one of them, non involving alcohol. I tend to exaggerate when I think people will believe me. I know very little about electronics except that they are expensive and filled with wires. It has been covered that I have little fashion sense. But I have little fashion sense. I like to travel. I have traveled in over 32 states. I have swam in 3 or the 4 major oceans. I have visited five continents. I have coke cans in three different languages. I am a big fan of the Amazing Race. I can be ready for work in 11 minutes if I have too. I like to order Chimichangas at Mexican restaurants and rate them on a 1-5 scale. I have had eight cavities on one visit to the dentist. I'm versatile, creative and right handed. I make things up almost never. Until next personality.

It's Spreading! (no, not my rash)

I am still out of my funk, but I have a bunch going on right now. Unlike some of my friends that are still in school, I have no tests to study for or no papers due tomorrow. What I do have, is a rare medical condition. I have had symptoms for the few weeks. They are slightly high temperatures, sleeplessness, irritation of the phyche, and disscolored blood. What I have is widely common thoughout the USA and the Globe for that matter. I have a strand that is more concentrated in southern Texas, though traces are being seen all around the world, like Argentina, France, Slavanina, and Krystucxhgystgzan. I believe the origin of this medical condition was found in the Virgin Islands and transferred to Wake Forrest where it stayed stagnate for four years. It has been in the San Antonio and surrounding area for much of the past 7 years now. I caught it early in 1999 and have been battling it off an on. I feel the symptoms the strongest from late April until early June. We are smack dab in the middle of this season. I am of course talking about Spurs Fever, caused by silver and black running through the veins. With the Spurs just 6 victories away from taking home their 3rd Championship trophy in 6 years I believe I have it worse then ever. This has caused me to be a little lackadaisical when it comes to keeping my 6 friends entertained. I think I would make more blogs if I made 10 million a year, like Tim Duncan. Ok, I would probably pay Dave Barry to write them for me, then I would pay thousands of people to read it. But what I have is 6 people reading my no pay blog. Anyways, I am starting to ramble. Lets keep focused this next two and a half weeks. The Spurs come first then, getting big at the gym, then sleep, then blogs. Now I need to go take some medicine for this fever. Go Spurs Go, Untill next time.

The Funk, The Force and the Wardrobe

Can I start off by saying that I have been in a funk lately? Of course I can, first off, this is my blog and second, it has been obvious I have been in a funk lately. I have not had many entries lately, and the only reason I have found(and I looked for like an hour)is that I have been in a funk. A good old fashion funk. If you do not know what a funk is I will save you a trip to the phone book. It is when your motivation to do something dips below a 3 on the 1-10 motivation scale, founded by Hulk Hogan I think. I was at 1 for about a month. A further definition of funk is when you can find excuses to not do something you should, and usually these excuses are terrible. I found that doing absolutely nothing was easier then working on a blog entry. I would read newspapers that were weeks old, label all my underwear and socks, and organize all my past due bills, anything to keep from blogging. I did not think I could ever write a blog again. This nasty funk was unfortunately spread from another area, that being my workout routine. I had discovered it is way easier to not work out and lay in bed until 30 minutes before I should be at work, then to wake up early work out and be sore for weeks. I think this is where my blogless funk started. If my funk would only spread to my eating habits I would be skinny. Anyway, I am happy to announce, and I hesitate announcing this, but I have officially lost my funk. Actually it is probably hiding in my reading habits, but I will let it hang out there for a while. This way I can blog more and become insainly muscular(hot).

Did every one know what happens on this Thursday morning at 12:01 in the a.m.? It is simply a large gathering of dorks, but I like to disguise that definition with Star Wars Anonymous. People have had their tickets under lock and key over the past two weeks, and have polished there Darth Masks to wear to the opening of the newest installment of Star Wars. All you ladies should take note, that every movie theater will have a huge number of single men. Probably the largest gathering of singles since the last Star Wars movie came out, or the last Star Trek convention(but I guess they are one in the same). Anyways, who would go to a movie at midnight, knowing they have to be up the following morning at 7:00 am to work? Foolish. I guess the same kind of person that has tried to use the Force to retrieve the remote control from the other side of the room.

Does anyone of you 6 think that their closet is full of a wide variety of clothes? What an impossible task. Keeping up with trends, keeping up with brands, and keeping up a savings account while keeping up with the others. I made A's B's and an ocational C in school but I have a F in the wardrobe department. I have my closet divided into two parts. Extremely stained and less noticable stained. In each of those groups I have sub groups. Flowered and t-shirts. I have one shirt that the others in the closet have made stand alone by itself. That would be my lone trendy shirt. I am known, when I go out, as the guy in the flowered shirt or the same trendy shirt guy. My jeans are all the same color. I have one pair that looked ruined when I bought them, with all sorts of bleach lines in them, they are my lone trendy pair. I won't talk about my shoe situation, because I'd like to keep some dignity. I do have my name in all my underwear and socks though. Anyways, I guess I just need help in the department of shopping. I have allowed the Funk to live comfortably in my shopping habits, since birth. But, it has allowed me to have enough money to buy Darth Vader helmets. COOL, moved the remote with the Force I did! Until next time.

Costco and Graduations

I have not been able to misspell words for you in a while because, I have been lost. Not Lost as in overhyped and ridiculous t.v. drama, but lost. I entered a wholesale food mart called Costco. It was as large as Disney Land. What was crazy is if you go to buy just some soap your out of luck, unless you want to buy a 120 pack of soap. I don't know about you but I like to change up my soap every couple of months. If I got this bundle I would be in my forties and still not need new soap. They sell computers there too, but again, unless your needing 5 of them at once, do not buy it here. I was there hunting for printer paper for work. So, I ventured off to the west side of the store because it looked appealing, and there was sign that said printer paper. On my way there I passed a table that had shorts all over it. The sign said "one pair 18.99", and in small print underneath it said, "must buy five pair to get this price." Seems unfair unless that is part of a uniform you wear. Ok ok I am heading toward paper, when I am yelled at by some old man with a hair-net holding what I guess is possibility of hair reaching his head. The old man was bald, but he was offering me pizza pocket samples. Being a healthy young man(and cheap) I accepted his offer of a free hot pocket sample. The olden preceded to tell me, "you can get a box of 72 of these great snacks or party hordurves and they make a great lunch or dinner. They only have 145 grams of fat and they come in a box with a shoulder strap." It sounded like a recording, and then it dawned on me that the shoulder strap was because the box was to large too put in any grocery cart. I thanked the man and moved on hearing the him grab another victim behind me. I passed another seven of these stations one serving a new kind of bread, another baked ziti to serve 16, another promised an ice-cream cone that is healthy for kids, and some non-carbonated, sugar free, taste-free drink. Nice, I had just sampled a full course meal. Snack, bread, meal, dessert, and drink. And now I was tired, so I layette on a hammock that they sell in bundles of three. While sleeping, I had a dream that I was not yet graduated from college and I was 27 years old, with car held together by pliers. I woke myself in a sweat and realized it was just a dream, for I remembered that it was not me who had not graduated, it was my friend and travel buddy Jay(to be fair it was because he changed his major about 12 times and was on the phone for 4 of the years). He graduates on Saturday I thought to myself. Then I chuckled to myself. I needed to look for a gift. But not here, unless I wanted to get his whole class the same gift. Oh, as a side note, I have a friend and travel buddy named Kenny. He is still a sophomore in college, so he should be out of college by his 31st B-day. Go Kenny. Well, I did find my paper, but it took a fork lift to take it to my car, and while in line to pay I did find something for Jay. A card. Which reminds me I have to sign all 60 of these. Until next time.

One of those days....

Have you ever had one of those days? Has anyone ever told you, "Man(or woman), I have had one of those days." Have you ever said the phrase, "I have had one of those days."? What does 'one of those days' really mean? I plan on telling you. Well, I actually plan on making up what it means because I have no clue what it really means. I don't even know what my own phone number with out looking at my phone info. Anyways, what I believe it means is simply that you have encountered a day that you wish you had not encountered. A day that is filled with one annoying thing after another like cutting yourself while shaving, stepping in dog poop, cellular signal keeps fading while on an important call, difficult customers at work, snagging your favorite shirt... and so on. All of these things added up makes for 'one of those days.' I think(actually I know) that if worse stuff happens it would be categorized as a 'bad day', not just 'one of those days.' It is a fine line but a 'bad day' takes 'one of those days' and multiplies it by anywhere from 2-5 times. It would be cutting yourself while shaving and forgetting to take the tissue off the cut while meeting your blind date(not blind as in Ray), falling in dog poop on your way to a job interview, cellular fades while talking to Angelina Jolie about a possible rendezvous, customers with a gun or 90 year olds all day with bad hearing, having your shirt ripped by a mugger who takes your wallet and passport and kicks you in the face.... and so on. All of these would constitute a 'bad day' for sure. But you can not have a 'bad day' or 'one of those days' unless you had a day that would act as the placebo. I think a 'good day' would be that. I think everyday that is not 'one of those days' or a 'bad day' has to fall in the category of a 'good day.' An example of a 'good day' would be not having to shave, stepping on a wad of hundred dollar bills(then putting it in pocket), talking to Angelina with full reception bars about where to meet for dinner, having all beautiful single female customers and using the hundreds you found to buy six new shirts... and so on. I guess what I am trying to say is I guess we live life pretty much as 'one of those days.' So now when someone says they have had 'one of those days' I am just going to laugh at them and take their wallet and kick them in the face, and say "now you have had a 'bad day.'" I'm kidding of course, I would say what I always say, "yep, I know what that's like." And then I would finish cleaning the poop off my shoe, and continue helping irritating customers. Well, it has been 'one of those days' for me so I better go. I hope you all have 'good days' and stay away from 'bad days,' I got to go sew up this shirt for work tomorrow. Until next time.

Reasons My Eyes Look Like Walmart Bags

Though there are probably more reasons then I have here, but here are the top five reasons my eyes are on the brink of sagging down past my jaw, and turning the color of dirty fingernails. I looked in the mirror the other night and did not recognize who I was looking at, I did just get home form a costume party but still, the point remains. I have been kept up lately and I can't think of one reason that is my own fault. So here goes.

1.) Thailand Teachers. A friend(a teacher in Thailand that is from New Jersey) that got caught up in the mob in Bangkok needed a place to lay low for a few days so she decided to travel to Texas. She learned many things while she stayed here: that there is no basement in the Alamo, that the Spurs come before everything (even friends running from Thai mob), that when camping always pack the rain tarp(see reason 3), and how many teeth a zebra has. Anyways, she was used to a time zone where she would be waking up about the time we go to sleep so we tried to cater to her needs (and there were like 2, she's not very needy) by showing her around the city all night long, all while working all day. So Jenny is a small reason my eyes are going to crap, but she is welcome back anytime, next year!

2.) The San Antonio Spurs. They seem to be playing some late games lately. And if they are on then I am watching. Usually not blinking. The thing is when they play I feel like I am there with them and I am taking charges as well. I tend to get too into the games and I think my heart rate goes up, as well as my blood pressure. Strangely enouph my cholesterol goes down. The point is even if the game ends at a decent time, it takes about 5 hours to get my body down to a level where it is safe to lay flat. Playoffs are in full swing now which even heightens my Spur watching symptoms, so I will get no reprieve here. And don't lauph at such a advanced word use, I am looking at being a teacher someday.

side note:(For anyone that cares-I know Benu Uldrih personally. I danced with his cousin and now were almost best friends. I have no proof.)

3.) Tent Rain Guard. "Do we need this bulky thing?" I think was the question asked when packing for a trip to Enchanted Rock. The temperature out side was near 100, the sky had no cloud in the sky. Our guest Jenny(see reason 1) responded, "no way, we don't need that!" Well needless to say after a brilliant day of throwing rocks at birds and rabbits, hiking up dangerous jagged rocks, and making conference calls it preceded to rain all night long. It was a ten man tent that there were 17 of us, but it seemed that only Jenny(see reason 1), Jay and I absorbed the 5 hour down pour. This and the fact that it dropped to about 20 degrees limited my sleep this night, and took about 7 years from the youthfulness of my eyes. And all because of a quick decision(see reason 1 and 3).

4.) Netflix Ok Ok... I almost place the blame of this squarely on the shoulders of me. I tend to watch too many movies but only after I have worked a 10 hour work day, watched a Spurs game, eaten, played Halo on X-box and written a blog. So it is not really my fault. I do like movies. I just don't like to go to the store to look for movies. I am lazy enouph where I like them to be mailed to my front door, which is what Netflix does. I recommend everyone to join. Not only does late night movie watching cause me to have puffier bags under my eyes, it caused me to be able to quote from a endless amount of movies. Which comes in handy, on first dates. Or other words, last dates.

5.) This blog. I should be in bed now watching my movie(see reason 4) but instead I am up writing a few words to my 7 friends. But what can I say it is a passion of mine. If it were not for this blog, I would never be able to be serious in person. This gives me a chance to let go of all the stuff that rattles around in my head. But it does not take away from the fact that it deforms this head. I'll let you know that it is 2:15 in the morning right now, and I have yet to proof read this, which takes about 2 hours(and yes I proof read, you bunch of comedians). So I better keep this short. Until next time.