Blogging Beats Boardom's Butt (10x's)

I think I am the only person to notice that April and May came and went and I never posted a blog. While it did not quite create the epic uproar that I was ever-so-slightly expecting, it did give me a long period of time to go through situations, do stupid things, and think about life altering ideas in which I could blog about for at least a week. (A quick side note: I just realized that while I have considered myself as coordinated enough to chew gum, send a text message, and blot up spilled Big Red off my crotch, all while driving 80mph down the highway using my knee to steer; I am unable to write a blog and have the radio on. Every thought I have seems to be replaced by the endless number of Rascal Flats songs on the mySpace page that is open in another window!)
I have not really come up with ten ideas yet, but I just this second have decided to list in no particular order ten things that I have been up to that I think you might find some what interesting. Who am I kidding?! Haha My mom will probably even skip this blog. I'll start at ten so it will be easy to count down to the end. That way even if you are board, you will always gain hope with each diminished number. Ok ok I'll start.
10. I HAD A BIRTHDAY - Way back at the beginning of April in fact. I turned 29. I also turned pale and sick, because I had always assumed that once I got to 29 I would in fact just automatically turn into an adult. Not true as it turns out. The opposite is true. When you wait this late in life to grow up, it is way harder. An entire 15 point blog could be inserted right here and I am tempted to cut in and attempt it, but that would involve dedication, organization, willpower, logic, wisdom and perseverance; and we all know non of that happens until we turn 30.
9. I HAD A BREAK - People go through life trying to make luck happen for themselves, by using their savings to buy lotto tickets, play slot machines and getting hair plugs. I have been known to hit the Craps table in search of turning my last $50 bucks into a million. But I learned while in Houston attending a Spurs vs Rockets game that good fortune can find you when you least expect it. I had had a few adult beverages before the taxi dropped us off in front of the arena, yet the person meeting us with out tickets was not there yet, and would not for twenty minutes. While I emphasize I am not a physics major or a architect, I would like to point out that I know the human bladder is not 60 onces, and basketball arenas do not place restrooms outdoors. This left me pale and scared. I proceeded to desert my friends and search for a place, any place that was dark enough to not be seen... oh crap by these two people coming up to me, what do they want...? And that is when my break came. It was, and for privacy sake I will use the names Mary and Joseph, and they had two extra tickets to the game, and they offered them to me. I not caring if they were nose bleed tickets or what, took them in haste because I knew that these tickets were my ticket to the restrooms that were on the inside of the arena. Just as the most relieved face I have ever caused my forehead and cheeks to muster, it was followed quickly by a happy face. The tickets I was given not only would grant me to the most needed porcelain of my life, it would grant me permission to sit the one row away from the Spurs bench. If I would have noticed the price on the ticket before hand I most likely would have whetted myself and sold the tickets and went an bought 600 Lotto tickets.
8. I HAD A BUMP - I thought about using the phrase, I had a bumper and hood press the bumper in front of me. But that would have sucked, and the only thing that can suck in this paragraph are my after lunch day dreams. I learned a valuable lesson. When trying to picture that hammock set between two palm trees, on some remote island with blue blue seas and white white sand, and the bucket of Corona within hands reach, do not close your eyes. Especially while driving. Especially while driving on a busy street in traffic. Save these thought for once you got back to work and the customer in front of you is reaming you out for sending her package to the wrong state.
7. I HAD A BOOK IDEA - This could have very easily have been a blog idea, but the scope of it was so big and basically vague that it would have been way longer then even this blog looks as if it will be. If I can just skim the preface for the book in one sentence with multiple comas you would be lucky. But most likely it will take many sentences, all of which filled with unnecessary comas. Never mind I don't want to tell you the idea, for it could be stolen. Ok, It is about travel yet I would never leave the computer. But that is all I will say.
6. I HAD A BLOB APPEAR - If no one has learned this lesson on their own in there own time, I will let you in on a secret. If you never go to the gym, eat to the point of sweating, and sit down 90% of the time you are awake each day, you too will notice a blob. I at first tried containing it to just around my rib cage, but the longer this blob sits there the the more it tends to grow. I like to consider this last few months as my working on my "before picture" and I will stop eating and start going to the gym tomorrow. Yes I did say that in a blog in February as well, I was just seeing if you were paying attention. And yes, I introduced that thought in a blog back in November. Tomorrow is just month away.
5. I HAD A BRUISE - Everyone knows there are certain things that you just do not do. Don't poke sticks at sleeping bears, don't forget deodorant on a first date and don't buy the cables those guys at Best Buy try to sell you when you purchase a TV. While these are obvious, I must have missed the life memo that would have let me know that it is a bad idea to try to learn how to ride a skateboard in ones late twenties. I did just this. I did just this poorly. Inside on concrete, with no protective devices, and while not covered under health insurance, I attempted to do what I assumed was a novice move and spin in a 360 degree motion. 80 degrees into the spin I managed to put a nice mark on the wall, and I found the one spot on my torso that the Blob had not padded yet! Now even the pressure of underwear with no elastic left in the band, feels like a tiny hammer hitting my lower back/upper hip area. Don't think about that too long, just read on.
4. I HAD A BLAST - I believe there are certain rights of passage one must go through in life. Your first steps, word, haircut, your first pet, car, job. But there is one more I never encountered as a child but got the opportunity to a month ago. Ha ha no it is not my first kiss. It is my first lock-in. I was invited to be a chaperon at a lock-in at The Incredible Pizza Factory. While the pizza was less the incredible, the fact that middle school kids want nothing to do with chaperons was great. This aloud me become the biggest kid there(in more then one way). As soon as the night was over I got on the internet and scoured Monster.com for a job that needed someone to drive go carts, shoot mini basketballs, and play video games all night long, because I realized that I am really good at it.
3. I HAD A BRAIN FART - Mainly I just wanted to incorporate this word into a blog. I laugh when I say this word out loud. You say it out loud now and see if you do not do the same. BRAIN FART. hahahah I actually had so many brain farts over the past few months that I can not cover them all, so I will cover the one I felt stunk the most. HAHA When circumstances leave you having just a few clothes, it would make since that you take care of those clothes to the best of your ability. Well, I did. Until two nights ago. Let me first explain that I have a rotation I use when wearing shirts. I tend to wear jeans a few times over but always have a clean shirt. This rotation consists of 9 shirts. Four white shirts, four fading darker shirts and a new bright blue shirt. Well, I don't know how you do laundry but I have learned the basics and know that you wash whites/light colored stuff together and and wash dark colored things together. My brain fart came late at night when I noticed the floor of my room was covered in nine shirts and three pair of jeans. I had to work in the morning! I then made the choice that has put four of my shirts on the disabled list. I threw them all in the wash together on warm water setting. The only shirt to be truly unscathed was the bright blue shirt, thought from the amount of blue on the other shirts, I am amazed that there is any blue left on it. BRAIN FART. hahaha
2. I HAD A BURN - OK, point three dealt with the color blue. This one deals with the color "oh my god! Does that hurt as bad as it looks Red" I was in Wal-mart with two friends gathering the essentials for a day of tubing on the river. Essentials of course are beer, coolers, ice, Spurs koozies, and a Spurs window flag, and McDonald's togo. I believe at one point of the shopping spree the following conversation took place.
Friend 1: "We need to get some sun screen."
Friend 2: "I agree."
Me: "Why?"
Friend 1 & 2 together: "Because we will burn if we don't"
Me: "Well, I don't want any, I like to start the summer off with a real good baking so that I have a good base for the rest of the summer!"
Friend 1: "That is dumb."
Friend 2: "I agree, here is some sunscreen here, it says SPF 55"
Me: "If we are going to get any, it can't be that high! I bet there is more sunscreen by the beer"
Friend 1: "That is dumb."
Friend 2: "I agree."
I could go on for another 45 minutes worth of dialog, but the finale of it is that we forgot to buy sunscreen at all and I refused to even borrow any. I floated on what could be described as a round open flamed oven for 4 and 1/2 hours, somehow avoiding the shade from trees like the bubonic plague. My chest, stomach, shoulders, thighs, knees, shins and feet now are the shade of red as I described earlier. Well that is what others call it. I call it the "next time I am going to wear a long sleeve shirt and jeans when tubing red".
1. I HAVE A BLANK - Yes, I have drawn a blank. So I will resort to childish humor. BRAIN FART! hahahah

Until next time.