Fan Clubs and Water Beds

I relies that it has been some time since I have written a blog. But I need to share with you a simple but painful fact. Blog fame went to my head. Once I reached the 10 visitors a week mark I thought I could retire and live off my first two months of blogging. This was a miserable notion. Not only did this not support me, but it caused me to gain ten pounds and gave me two cavities. I am now overweight and blog idealess. I think all people are born with 10% of their brain wired for writing blogs. I used it up quick. So I need to just come up with new ways to write a blog. I need ideas for blogs. I need motivation for blogs. I need money for blogs. I think it would be a good idea for some one to start a Blogs-by-Boris Fan Club/Multi-level Marketing Scam. If each of the 5 of you each get 5 people to join the Club/Scam, and pledge $5 a month to my inspiration for blogs checking account, then I think that I could write up to two blogs a day. But I am getting ahead of my self here, it is not my place to start a club that honors me. I am just throwing the idea out there. I wouldn't mind if each of you came up with two off the wall topics and sent them to me via e-mail(kcm97m@gmail.com). I will write about the topics as long as they do not involve celery or foot odor. Maybe this will get me back to using that 10% of my size big head. Ideas are good, but I also think that motivation for writing blogs could play a big part of more consistent blogging. Although money and water bed wrestling are good motivation tools, I think I would be happy with a simple reply on each blog you read. Notice the use of you instead of ya'll. It is improper grammar to use ya'll unless your talking to a group bigger then 8. That made little since. The point is let me know in a few words what you think of the blog, if you like it stroke my ego, if you did not care for it, keep your comments to your self. It is that easy. Well, that and 5 dollars a month. Until next time or July.

Excuses are like .....

I am sorry I have not written in a while, but I realized I left out a minor detail in my last blog about my horrible wreck. I shattered both arms. This has made it quite hard to type. Knowing you were anticipating a blog, I worked diligently over the last 5 days to try to figure out a new way to type. I tried with my toes(didn't work, due to the smell and lack of flexibility), I tried with a chop stick rubberbanded to my head(didn't work, splinters), I even tried holding a pencil in my mouth and using the eraser end to hit the keys(didn't work, mainly because I used sharp pencils which poked my cheek and gave me lead poisoning.) I came to find that what worked the best however, was typing nothing at all. But this is all really a big excuse for being lazy. Something that has come quite easy lately. There is nothing quite like doing nothing. Especially when stuff needs to be done. The problem is it leaves you rushing to do the things that are important until the last minute. Example: I have a test tomorrow that could change my life(more like give me one) and I have not studied yet but I will get to it. If you are a slacker you know that "not really studied but I will get to it" means "I have not studied one bit" the "I will get to it" part is thrown in to make you feel better. (I feel way better now.) Moving on. I had a crazy customer float into my store today. I want to show respect so I will not broadcast her name over the internet so I will just refer to her as Crazy Lune. Well, Crazy Lune came in wearing a out fit that was quite intresting. A giant sweater and matching pants, all made of yarn in a rainbow of colors. On Crazy Lune's t-shirt was a picture of herself, with her 15 cats. Needless to say, I was scared. I tried to help her as fast as I could so that she would go back to her cat farm, but she insisted on telling me about her single daughter and how great it would be for me to go out with her single-and-looking daughter. I'm a healthy guy in my late 20's but I think I had a mild stroke at this idea. I am not one to make judgments about someone I have never met but in this case I was quite certain that even if the gal was Miss America, the thought of Christmas dinners (Most likely tuna) and family get togethers, gave me such a fright that I just froze and turned pale. She took this as a sign that I was interested, so she got out her knit purse and dug through what must have been six thousand coupons, and retrieved a pen and paper to get my number. Being the quick thinker that I am I gave her my friend Lizen's cell number, and address. Crazy Lune then started chanting something in gibberish and then raced out the door on her broom. I then blinked for the first time in ten minutes and closed up shop. The lesson here is basically that God is sending me a sign that is it time to go out and meet girls or he is going to send them to me one way or the other. I will get too it. First, I have to let my arms heal, then I'll get to it. Until next time.

Asleep at the Wheel and Birthdays

Well, it has been a while since I have updated my dork hobby. But the wait is over. I have been a bit busy over the past few days however. It is due to my other dork hobby, X-box. Halo 2 to be exact. My roommates, friends, neighbors, strangers and grandparents are all better at me on it. I have come to the realization that I am horrible at video games and need to stick to things like watching movies. I can do that better then every one except Ebert. Anyways, a notion(Def.-a bad idea compounded into a plan) popped into my head about four days ago that if I practice for 78 straight hours on the X-box that I might become competitive. Well, I tried it and it did not work. I only became a time bomb of frustration, my blood pressure went way up, and I only slept 2 hours over this period of time. A time bomb can be diffused and blood pressure can be lowered(by drinking koolade I think), but catching up on sleep is not easy. You look for little spots during the day to rest; like at lunch, during lectures by the boss, and in extreme cases while driving. I did not fall asleep at the wheel on Monday night, but I thought I was dreaming when a king size bed was about 15 feet in front of me, while driving 70 down the highway. I don't know about you but when I see a mattress in my lane on the highway my first thought is not "I wonder if I could squeeze in an hour of sleep on that." My thought went more like this, "That's a mat... *@#%!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" And I swerved out of the way. Now let me tell you first off what my experience in handling an out of control vehicle is. None, unless you count me watching hours of The Dukes of Hazard. Well as you most likely guessed, this should have caused me to roll over, go under a truck shoot out the back into the oncoming traffic, bounce around 6 more cars, and end up in a lake with a lot of pointy rocks. But I did what any screaming baby does when there brand new car is spinning down the highway, I closed my eyes and prayed. This allowed me to miss everything except the concrete wall, which I slid into like a baseball player. Thing is, I was out. The wall won. The wall retrieved paint samples from the front and rear bumpers, dislodged a important metal part from under my car, and made my nice rim look not nice. The car came away with 13 stiches and a cast on the front driver side tire, and I came out with wide eyes and smelly pants. I do not remember if I shed a tear but that is not important, what is important is that you might when I tell you that this happened on the eve of my 27th birthday, in my new car, that I have yet to make a car payment on. I guess I am just looking for pity. The important thing is that, waiting on the cop to get the crash site I managed to get in about twenty minutes of sleep. Speaking of birthdays, April is a Birthday filled month for the Morris's. There is MINE and a few others. My great older sister, who taught me how to always know what streets are parallel to the street that you are on, her birthday was 2 days before mine. I meant to let her know how much I love her on her Birthday but I was on hour 54 of my X-Box mar-a-thon, so I told her when she called me on mine(sorry). My nephew Ryan turns 7 three days after my birthday. So that is the one the whole family really looks forward too! Anyways. It has been a pretty good birthday so far today, but now I must get some rest. I have to get up early to walk to work to marrow while my car is still in recovery. Until next time.

Used Book Stores and Big News

Well for those of you that have been praying for me to get better, I'm not quite well, and those of you praying for me to stop blogging, I'm over my writers block. No better way to come out of a writing fog then to step foot in a used book store. I don't think I have ever experienced any thing like that before. I think they look for extremely weird people when they hire for the job of used book librarian. The application must include the following questions: "Do you have at least 5 visible tattoos and body pearcings?, Do you get mistaken for the opposite sex?, Do you wear clothes from Goodwill?, Are you pale?" and, "If you answered 'No' to any of the above questions, rip this application up and go to Barnes and Noble." Well, they might not be in that order, but it was quite a culture shock. I have been known to read, mainly when I was 9 and I was reading to get free pizza from Pizza Hut, but I still like to pick up a book every now and then. Like just the other night I picked up a book off my dresser, wiped off the dust, read the title, got all excited, jumped in bed, got cozy, opened it up and fell asleep while reading the "this is dedicated to..." part. So what, I have trouble finishing books. I think I should get paid millions to be a book reviewer, and if I stay awake through the whole book then it has to be great. Anyways, I have to admit, after the initial shock of being in a used book store, with all those used books that have been read by complete strangers, I became sucked into its power. I started grabbing books left and right and looking at them, and being interested! I have looked at books at Borders before and have been interested, but when I looked at the same book here, and saw the $29.99 price marked down to $4.95, all of a sudden the book seemed way more interesting and manageable. When I see a $30.00 book, I am interested till it comes time to buy it and then I tell my self, "You'll never finish it!", and I set it down and run out of the store. But here at the Used Book Megastore, when I saw the $4.95 price I picked it up. And another. And another. And two more. And one last one. I checked out, and my total was $30.00. Yep, I could have just gone to the nice clean shaven voodoo free bookstore and gotten just one book to not read, but now I have SIX! At least they'll make nice coasters. Anyways, enough of that talk on to more important news. I got an e-mail this morning from a company in Boston that finds talented young writers and gives them special assignments around the world to write about. Kind of like a traveling reporter. Actually it is a traveling reporter, not kinda like one. They have offered me a position to travel through Asia and write about what I see. I am very shocked by this offer. So shocked in fact that I decided I would rather mail packages till I'm 44, and so I declined there six figure offer. And of course you all know that I am just playing an April Fools joke on you. They wanted me to travel to Africa not Asia!!!! Until next time.