The Three Burials of Kevin Morris

Before you all start cheering and fighting over my belongings, I did not really die. I did not even almost die. I just saw a movie this weekend by Tommy Lee Jones, and I liked the title so much I figured I would steal it. The problem is I do not know how to make a blog or a story coincide with that title. But I will try anyways.

Burial one. I took a huge step this weekend. Not distance wise, because I have short legs, I mean mentally. I killed off one of my personalities. One of the ones I seldom use. It was the personality that controls all of my fashion taste. I decided that other people need to just pick clothes for me, maybe even dress me too. I have no idea what trendy is. I had a slight idea one year when I bought a pair of jeans that came with bleach wrinkles in it, and I wore that pair every time I wanted to feel trendy. But about two weeks ago that pair split open and I was back to wearing Walmart brand highwaters. I am so far behind the times that I still think my Doc Martins are trendy. I know that most of you have even forgot that these shoes even existed, but I know of one pair that does, and is used quite a bit. I was going to wear them out on the town this weekend and I was stopped in my tracks by my more trendy friends and they told me that I could not wear those shoes out in public with them. They preceded to lock me in the bathroom and they went on their way. So I figured it was time to just do away with that personality all together. I will have to give clothes picking out duties to a different personality, one that is not overloaded with duties. That would be my books/reading personality. This way maybe I will start to pick clothes that look good. I am good at judging a book by its cover so maybe I can use that mentality when I go to the mall or Solo Serve next time. The main point is however, that I did bury my fashion taste personality.

Burial Two. My second burial was more a dream I had this past week. I had stayed out late on a work night, had been to Cowboys, and had had a few adult beverages. All of these mixed together with paranoia that I wouldn't wake up in time for work and be fired, made for the best recipe for crazy dreams. In this dream I was me, but I was a me that had been created in the image of Steve Erwin. If you do not know who Steve Erwin is, he is the bloke who when people are running away from dangerous life taking animals, he is running at them with a goofy grin, an accent and bare hands. He is the Crocodile Hunter if you still need help. Anyways, in my dream I was catching ferocious varments and snakes with my hands at ease. With each dangerous animal I caught, the harder the task got. I went from catching a squirrel, to a jackalope, to a badger, to a bald eagle. Then the tougher stuff started happening. I caught a skunk, a rabid fox, a small alligator, and a rattle snake under a rock. Next, was a huge crocodile and then the grandaddy of them all was about to take place next. A nest of water moccasins 12 feet deep in a river of heavily flowing water. I think my real life extreme fear of swimming underwater onto a nest of water moccasins caused my dream self to hesitate when he shouldn't have, because, the next thing I know I am dreaming of myself being vi=olently attacked by what seemed like 300 snakes. I was covered from head to toe in snakes that had a firm grip of my skin with their fangs and I was flailing my arms and legs.... Ahhh I was doing the same thing in real life, flailing around on my bed, kicking the covers off, and sweating. Needless to say, I was up in time for work because of not being able to get back to bed, and I luckily did not have to go through with the end of the dream, where I would be buried at the bottom of the river.

Burial Three. In keeping with the movie in which I took its title, I will leave the third burial up to the audience to read into. Maybe some of you want me dead so that you can get my big TV or drive my sweet car. Maybe some of you want me to stop having deadpan humor, and write about things that make since to at least middle schoolers. Still others just might think I am dead wrong about both of the last two ideas. So what ever the case, I am going to bury my 30 pound head into my pillow and and hopefully fall dead asleep. Until next time.

MySpace-by-Boris

Do you remember the old quote your parents used to tell you right after you explained to them that everyone was doing it. "Well if everyone was jumping off a cliff, would you?" Well, I unfortunately would probably jump off the cliff if everyone was, which is exactly why I now have a My Space account. In fact this will take you there. It is not a lavish effort, yet. I have now spent 4 hours on it and it looks like I have spent 4 minutes on it. It is frustrating and fascinating at the same time. I basically already don't like it, but at the same time I can not concentrate on this blog because I am thinking of stuff to do to my My Space page. Basically, I have out dorked myself. But if everyone else is doing it can't be so bad. I heard a stat that almost 50 million people have a my space account. That is a lot of people jumping off a cliff. Anyways, I think the only people that read MyBlog have a MySpace account too so I will refrain from bashing us too much more. You know who is a bit up set with my new friend? My Blog. She sees the writing on the wall that I will be spending much more time with MySpace and she will get the cold shoulder. But that is not true I think I like MyBlog more because she is so simple and laid back. MySpace is a wild girl and I am not sure I am ready to put the time and effort into making our friendship grow like it should. I do think I might lead her on for a while and maybe just make it as a place where you can find a link to my true love: MyBlog. So even as I am about to finnish this blog I realize that MySpace has wasted one whole night of my MyLife. I am up at 2:15 still needing to finnish laundry and still not ready to go to bed. And all I have to show for it is 5 new friends. Wait, it took me 7 months to get five readers on this thing, and five hour to get five friends on MySpace. Maybe I will spend my nights and days working on MySpace just like 50 million other people, 1,2,3... jump. Until next MyTime.

The Six Hundred Penny Man

I realized something important this weekend. That I am not indestructible. For some reason I always thought I was. Well, I thought I was tough at lest. I entered a flag football tournament with my friends and drove to Austin to compete in it this past weekend. Sounds simple and fun right: throwing the football around, some friendly competition, a good workout and some fresh air. With the weather we have been having all January and February, I thought we would have great 75 degree weather with the sun out. Well, I will have you know it was 21 degrees with the wind chill and the sun was hidden behind thick clouds that produced a steady mist for us, and kicked up a vicious wind. So, trying to warm up my body for the game was next to impossible. Especially after being cramped in the back seat of a car for a hour and a half drive to the fields. Another problem we ran into was the small fact that we had not practiced once for this tournament. So our warm up consisted mainly just jumping up and down and asking each other, "What in the heck are wee doing here?" Well, our first game started and on the first play we got penalized for breaking the rules. Our second play we broke a different one. Third play we threw it to the other team. This is pretty much how the first game went. Actually, about four scrapes, two pulled muscles, a few jammed fingers and a bloody nose happened as well. Not a great first showing. We had a break between this first disaster and the next one so we decided to go back to the camped car and sit with the heater on instead of finding a rule book and learn how to play the game right. Our second game went about as well as the first one. This one had dislocated hips, sprained ankles, muscle tears, and black eyes as well. I had come into this tournament thinking I was the 6 Million Dollar Man but after this second game, the second crushing defeat in freezing temperatures, I was starting to feel more like a 6 Thousand Dollar Man. After the second lost, we mad another decision to sprint to the car and sit, this time we even got fuel for our bodies, Sonic burgers. Great fuel for athletes. We made it back in time for our third game (full and warm) and came up one vote short to just quit and drive home. But this is where our fortune changed. The team we were scheduled to play came up one vote short to even come to the tournament, so we won the game by default. Yes! This was a big moral boost. I was starting to feel more like a 600 Thousand Dollar Man. We stayed warm, had full stomachs and got our first victory under our belts. Time to celebrate. No better way then to celebrate a victory but to drink right!!! Not alcohol, RED BULLS! We raided a Red Bull marketing truck and made out with over 50 dollars worth of Red Bulls. We then proceeded to drink about 30 dollars worth of Red Bull. Now we are hyper and ready to play another game. Winning the one game by forfeit caused us to make the playoffs so we were scheduled to play another team that had not physically won a game, and the winner would be the last seed in the playoffs. We are pumped up now... We get to the field and low and behold, the other team decided that frostbite was not worth beating us and they decided to drive home, giving us our second straight victory. We are on a roll now and have pulled our record to 2-2. I am now high on caffeine and feeling more like a 1 Million Dollar Man. We now get to play the top seeded team in the whole tournament. We gave them our best shot. In the previous 14 possessions our opponents had, we had allowed 14 touchdowns. If your not great at math that is 100% of the time. This game we kept them from scoring on 6 of their 8 possessions. If your good at math you'll have to figure out the percentage on your own. I was diving after players sliding on the freezing ground, running over the opponents, bouncing off defenders, knocking passes down, tearing flags off one after another, scored a touchdown and had a sack! Yes, I am finally the 6 Million Dollar Man. The other team did however did keep us from scoring on 7 or 8 possessions. If you are a math major then you know before most that they scored one more time then we did, leaving us eliminated from the tournament. It was a close game and it proved to us we had what it takes, once juiced up on Sonic burgers and Red Bull, to compete. We still did sprint back to the car right after the loss to defrost and reflect on the whole exsperience. I think the comments that summed up our reflection the best was, "Man, we suck." and "Do your legs hurt as bad as mine?" In total we braved the freezing elements three times, throwing our bodies all around, and slamming them into the ground over and over. Not exactly what I thought we were getting into. The drive home is where I started to feel old and back down to about a 60 Thousand Dollar Man, I kept getting sharp pains in my body and we had to pull over three times to get out of the car and straighten out our legs. We saw the same 90 year old man at each of our three stops doing the same thing. Embarrassing. Our first stop once we got home was a hot tub, in which we soaked in for about three hours. This was a great idea I think. Though I knew mentally my legs hurt, I could not physically feel them because I had them soaked in nearly boiling water for three hours. But knowing I needed a hot tub to soak my bones, made me realize I would never have needed to do this when I was younger, and I now felt like a 6 Thousand Dollar Man again. I made it to sleep that night, had a good night sleep, and when I woke this morning, I turned to get out of bed and my legs did not work, my shoulder did not want to work either, as well as my ribs, neck and elbows. My fingers all were swollen, and my eyes well, my eyes were ok but had a lot of morning eye gook in them. Anyways... It took me 15 minutes to teach myself how to walk again as I tried to make my way to the bathroom. My entire body felt as if I had been strung up by a rope and been used as a pinata. This led me to do what anyone should do that body hurts as much as I do. I went back to sleep and tried my hardest to stay their for the entire day, only moving when I absolutely had to. Typing this blog in fact has been quite painful. In fact I believe that right now I only feel like a 6 Dollar Man. Until next time.

Every Thing is Back to Unnormal

Well, all of us single people made it through that tough stretch called Valentines, and I heard there was an all time low in suicides this year. Just 6 million world wide. That is uplifting. I do hope all couples had a lovely night on the 14th though. I was treated to dinner by my parents at their house, where my mom made heart shaped pancakes that I enjoyed with strawberry syrup, drowning the short stack of lovecakes, as I carved up each one with a steak knife just for effect. It was nice. We all shared a nice heart shaped chocolate cake with ice cream filling too, and I was able to pick up some mail that got delivered there. So it worked out just fine, thanks for wondering. No seriously, I did go out later that night, on what we called a "singles celebration" because "Four Dorks" was being used by some Chess Club lock-in that night. Anyways, four of us traveled downtown to the River Walk to eat at Landry's Seafood, to acknowledge the fact that we may be doing this every year for the rest of our lives. It was strange being out on Valentines night though, looked like a Three-legged-race convention was going on with people being in pairs. The strangest thing was, that every table in the whole restaurant was set up to handle only two people. So the wait for a table of four was twice as long because we had to waist for two adjacent tables to open up so we could push them together. Another strange thing I noticed was that almost every couple there, was having a terrible time. Most of them sat there not saying a word and fiddling around with a napkin or something. It was weird to see. We on the other hand were having a grand old time, mainly because we were only buying dinner for one, and the other reason is because we must have had 25 drinks and had managed to start a food fight with the cooks. But seriously, everyone else in the restaurant seemed to be just going through the motions of a Valentines date, all of them seeming to be impatiently waiting for dinner to be over so they could get home. Ahhhhh... maybe that is it! they were waiting on getting home to... and I was just starting to feel better about not going on a date on V-day. Anyways, everything is back to unnormal now. I am still writing blogs past reasonable hours, I still can still come up with a new way to great people that come into my work even though I have already come up with roughly 5,000 ways, I am still on page 79 of the book I started last year and I still have not made the "25 Most Eligible Batcholers in San Antonio" list that the Express News puts out every February. I am however an Honorary Mention in this years San Antonio X-box Awards in the category of Most Improved at Halo, thanks for wondering. Speaking of unnormal, I know a large portion(all 6) of my readers live in San Antonio, so I would think that having a mid-February day get into the mid 80's is completely unnormal. So is talking about the weather in a blog. Until next time.

p.s. - Whoever Ted is, this is not some Brokeback Blog so please stop being creepy. If your a girl posing as a guy, call me.

In Honor of the Week

In being a man of my word, I said I would give my blog something to feel better about herself. I dressed her in blue for so long that I figured she would want to be in pink for a week at lest. It is the little things that can make a relationship last. So here's to another year. It was today last year that I started this relationship. Heres to many more, or at least a real one. Until next time.

Someone Has to be Out There

Do you all have your plans for this Valentines Day? Do you have your dinner reservations planned, your chocolates bought, your flowers ordered and your cards signed with a heart? I don't. I don't need to. I haven't needed to for sometime. If I knew how to insert lauphter and hissing now I would do it now, because I am sure you six think it is real funny. I think it is sad, but that is for when I am on Dr. Phill. Tonight, I wanted to let you all in on something I have been keeping to myself. I have secretly been involved with a woman. No need for lauphter here, this is serious. The thing is I am not sure she knows it in fact it is not even a relationship, but that is not the point. She has had an amazing effect on me for some time now. It started months back with harmless curiosity, and has blossomed into well... nothing more then that, but she is still special to me. She is a lovely companion, but I am not sure if it will ever work out. There are too many complications that make the whole complicated idea, complicated. She has however meant a lot to me over the past year. She has control of over my thoughts most nights. She is always there for me even though I seldom go to her with my problems, I tend to just joke around but I know she'll be there too if I need to get problems out. A lot of people I know think she is a joy to be around, and I think that is great. That makes me proud of her. She is a hard worker, so it is good to know that others appreciate her as much as I do. But I just feel I have a deeper connection with her then most because of the many times we have been alone together. It is in these times that I have grown to understand her more fully, even though there is so much more to learn. I look forward to spending more time with her so I learn more about her and better understand what makes her the way she is. I already know she has certain buttons that I can push that will cause her to act in different ways, but it is important to learn all the buttons so that I can figure out the best ones that make us both happy. So, what I am getting at is, it is a weird time of year with Valentines Day coming up. I am not sure what to do for her, or if I should do anything at all, because I am not sure she would notice or even care. I struggle this time of year anyways, with being the hermit that I am, but the thought of getting a special gift for someone special is even more hermitful, if that is even a word. I guess I could ask her what she wants. I try talking to her but I don't think she ever really understands a word I say. I mainly just type to her and then she does her magic. So, I do want to do something for her for this V-day, I think I might give her something to help her feel better about herself. I get a vibe that she wants to change a few things and maybe I can help her with that. I guess it I am just making a bigger deal out of this then it is. I mean it is not a crush or anything, it is more of one sided relationship. I actually do all the manual work but she seems to keep everything organized. I do most of the thinking and she corrects me a time or 15. I do all that thinking and she does non of it. I do all the typing and she mainly shows me what I am doing. But we do spend about 3 hours a night together roughly 2-3 times a week. I lose sleep over her, I usually am tired the next day, in fact I am with her right now. I bet you are wondering who I am talking about. I know my parents are probably on the edge of there seats. But sit back, I am talking of course about my blog. I hope all of you have a great weekend and a great V-Day, maybe you can send me some leftovers from your nice meal. Until Next time.

Just A Quote

"You can be all you want in a dream!"

I heard this quote at the end of a movie I watched tonight. The movie was not that great on the whole, but it did get me thinking about certain things. One of the last lines in the movie, was part of a song, and that was this. "You can be all you want in a dream." Being a professional day dreamer, it just seemed to be a cool phrase to me.

Anyways, it is Super Sunday and the Superbowl was a good one, and I realised that of the 6 or so readers I have I could send one line out to each person. And so that is what I am going to do. Another quick note. This is the 100th post I have made. If you want to send cards and flowers save your money and just send that to me.

Leigh - I hope the move to the new house went great and that you found your alarm clock in the move.

Joel - I hope your doctor visit went well, and that your shoulder injury is not life threatening.

Ashley - I hope school goes great and the test your forgot about turns out to be an open book test. That would be beautiful.

Kristen - I hope you had fun in College Station and you didn't notice any signs of the wild party thrown at your apartment.

People at Joel's Office - I hope work is finding you well and was just going to let you know that I also know that Joel does nothing at work except surf the internet.

Everyone Else - I hope each of you have a day full of..... wait there is no one else.

Until next time.

The "A" Game was Not with Me

Well I had a blog started tonight. I put some serious time into it and well after reading it , it was not an "A" for effort outing. It was not even a "B" effort. It was definitely a "C+" because I can not produce anything lower unless I fill it with boastfulness. I was going to discuss the differences between watching movies or watching TV shows, and dive into mystery of which one is better. As I was blogging though, I was trying to watch The English Patient, causing me to have huge lapses in thought. It is not a good idea I now know to watch a long sad depressing love story while trying to be creative. So I will try to turn my unfinished blog into a worthy blog at another time. Until next time.

Everything I Understand about Women

Until Next Time