Mans Best Friend and Drug Studies

I realized today that a dog really, might not be a mans best friend. I have no real evidence, sources and have done no research on the matter and I pretty much just came up with the idea on my own, today at lunch, at Mr Gattie's Pizza, watching a rerun of Bonanza. What caused me stress , besides spilling what seemed to be a gallon of sauce all down the front of my shirt, was the fact that I think I am better friends with my TV clickers/remote controls then I am with my dog. There could be two reasons for this peculiar thought: 1.) I just about watch one movie a night, and watch TV almost everyday, and I listen to my stereo never, so I am constantly using these clickers and I get panicked when I can not find them. Reason 2.) I don't even have a dog. Though once I cleaned up and got to my car I began to think, which I rarely do, maybe other men are in this category. That maybe clickers are better friends then dogs to most men. Then it started to make since to me in my own little way. Clickers can provide endless amounts of entertainment: dogs can bark, chew, eat, and poop. Clickers can make tasks easier, like never having to move from one spot all night allowing you to use the clicker to turn on the TV and the DVD player, order a pizza and message your feet, all from that one spot. A dog on the other hand can make easy tasks harder, like a simple stroll around the block turns in to a tug-a-war, pooper scooper duty and a cat chase. When you leave the house a clicker will stay where you leave it and a dog will chew up your magazines, stain the carpet and jump on you when you walk back in the house. Nope I am just about convinced, a clicker must be a mans real best friend. Don't get me wrong I like dogs but I think I love clickers. Wait a minute. Now that I wrote this I realized that clickers are the best friend, but only if stacks of 100 dollar bills are not around. Money is the best friend most men want. Which brings me to my next pointless point. Drugs. Drug studies to be exact. Did you know there are large drug manufacturing companies that have to fire hundreds of wonderful employee's each year, just so they can free up enough cash to pay human guinea pigs to try out new medicines? Did you know that I don't care? Did you know why I don't? Because I am getting paid 2,500.00 bucks to take some experimental drug for 2 months. I know that one third, or more specifically one of you might think that this has the potential of being dangerous and possibly fatal. And you probably make triple what I make too. The only side effects I have encountered so far is a dark green rash that started around my left knee and has spread to just below my ears. It itches real bad and glows at night but I think that a little neosporine will clear it up. But seriously, twenty five hundred bucks for a little test, you can't beat that with a stick. Unless of course, your rich and have a dog. Well, I need to go soak this shirt to try and get this stain out, go say hello to my clicker and apply some neosporine. Until next time.